What made me decide to pursue my purpose.

Even though I was juggling a busy job, enjoying being a mum and a wife l still should have been experiencing fulfilment, l thought. I concluded this because having a marriage and a family is a blessing from God, it is the epitome of self-actualisation.

l couldn’t help but notice the growing feeling of discontent. I presumed that this feeling was being generated by the stressful job in my life. Needless to say l now know that this job could have been less stressful if my life was being guided by vision, goals and dreams.

 l discovered that in order to have a fulfilling life l needed these things in my life. The problem was that not only did l not have dreams, but I didn’t know what my dreams were. Worse still l didn’t have any talents and l hadn’t spent any time exploring what my habits or passions are. This is typical when you neglect self-love, you become a stranger to yourself and no one can help you.

The more l searched the more l discovered that every single one of us has talents. The only way to discover the talents, dreams and goals that could transform our life was by engaging self-love and getting to know ourselves.

Prior to this l had assumed that I was too busy to spend time on my habits, l thought l  had no talents and felt like l didn’t need these things. I just focused on the job which enabled me to earn a living.  This is the reason why l had remained stressed and lacked contentment with my life.

l needed to have dreams and goals to eradicate the stress in my life. Having dreams and goals means that you have something to focus on no matter what challenges life throws at you.

The sunflower has a special skill called heliotropism, it always faces the sun. It can turn itself and follow the sun no matter what and we possess this same strain. Being stressed is a decision we can avoid.

We avoid it by creating time and spending it on getting to know ourselves. This can include journaling and reflecting on our lives.   Becoming really intentional about searching for our likes and dislikes. The secret desires that God has hidden in our hearts.  Considering what our expectations out of life are and deciding that achieving our dreams is our birth right and we are entitled to them.

Feeling   convinced that we are worthy and we deserve the best out of life. This is selflove, when we practise this, we will be able to create a vision for our lives.  We will develop our dreams and create goals then banish the stress from our life. We will become very busy  pursuing our dreams to feel stressed about life.

My son is doing better than his peers!

After writing his end of year exams, my son came home excited, and announced that he had received his science result back .

 After finding out the result l expressed my concern as a parent and encouraged him to do better. This immediately wiped the look of excitement off his face which was replaced by a look of surprise! “But mum”, he argued, “l did better than all my friends”.  I could tell by the look of satisfaction on his face that he thought this would impress me?

 “I do not think that’s necessarily true”, l replied earnestly. At which point my son looked very defensive because he thought l was accusing him of lying.

I wasn’t and l proceeded to explain.

Children learning in class.

 I have learnt that, it’s impossible to judge how people are doing in their lives, if they haven’t shared their goals and aspirations with us, l informed my son.  I made him aware that, although his friends scored less than him, we will never know if they failed or not! As we do not know what the vision for their life is.

 Friends could be pursuing other interests outside the classroom such as sports, singing or playing instruments etc. They could be excelling in their chosen fields outside the classroom and scoring low marks on their school-work.  It might simply mean that academic performance, may not be on top of their priorities. If that is the situation then, technically, your friends are achieving their goals, even when you assume otherwise.

Life is not about comparing yourself to others.  We should never resort to taking comfort in other people’s failures or conclude that how other people perform has anything to do with us. This lowers our standards, we miss our goals and encounter a failed event! Although, we can learn lessons and move on.

Emphasis should be placed on always formulating our own goals based on what we are good at and what we like. Then focusing on that, no matter how our friends are performing or how they might perceive us. It’s about accomplishing the goals and vision we have for our lives. We aim to do better because of the kind of individuals we want to become. Our friends are never part of the equation when it comes to personal matters concerning our life!

I had a bad day!

Whilst reading a book by John Maxwell.  I came across a chapter about what defined a good day and whether we have a list of things to tick off in order to decide if it was a bad or good day?

As l listened l had a feeling that l knew where he was headed with this! I was very familiar with John Maxwell’s teachings and l quickly deduced that he was going to talk about a personal development plan!  The chapter emphasised and discussed more on having a personal development plan which leads to success. As success is hidden in our daily habits.

I think his day got worse than mine!

I took this opportunity to pause reading the book and explore my daily habits to see if l was on track. I considered that l was writing, journaling, reading my bible and praying more.

I was especially proud of myself for being very persistent on the Blog.  l went to bed on a high that day!  It wasn’t until l woke up the next morning to discover that l had completely missed my husband’s birthday?

What’s worse was that, by the time l remembered, he had already left for work. I was very disappointed with myself!  While it’s not always about the gifts. I value acknowledging, honouring and reminding him how much myself and the kids love him.

Therefore, l felt that although l had established daily goals, l had failed on one important aspect of my life! And if l had to reflect on that day l would have to conclude that this day had been a bad day. Resulting from this oversight on my part. I believe that life is what happens between the busy plans that we make.   l never want to become one of those individuals who achieve their goals but discover that they are still unhappy in their personal lives.

Consequently, having daily goals means evaluating them each day to see if the priorities need altering.

Fortunately, l now understand that failure is an event that can be learned from and l intend to make good use of lessons gained from this incident.

The guy who led a dance craze but couldn’t dance.

Recently l watched a you tube video that went viral seemingly for the right reasons. Although this video is quite old, ten years to be precise, l couldn’t help but reflect on what this video meant to me.  The you tube video is titled, “Sasquatch music festival 2009- guy starts a dance party.” Seriously l recommend you check out this video it has 15 million hits!

The Sasquatch music video starts off with everyone sitting down and looking decidedly bored!  They appear to be waiting for the concert to begin.   Out of the blue, one very bold guy gets up and starts dancing! What makes it especially painful to watch is, the fact that this guy’s moves are by no means   graceful or rhythmical at all.  It’s quite obvious, that he can’t dance. His moves appear somewhat awkward and all over the place.  Everyone stops to gawk and there is a sense of uneasiness as they glare at him!

Sasquatch dance festival guy defining leadership moment.

Needless to say, this guy appears completely unfazed by the peering looks and the uncomfortable glances. He continues to dance in a cheerful and good- humoured manner daringly, all by himself on the dance floor!

And as he carries on, those same people begin to appreciate and almost envy his determination to extract pleasure from this uneventful setup.

 Interestingly when they continued watching, they were transformed from perceiving him as shameful to noticing how refreshing he is.  They realised that his liveliness was contagious.

In that moment a second guy joins the dance floor. When the first guy notices this, he quickly moves over to where he was and smiles to welcome him. Then he held his hands and danced alongside him.

Before long everybody registers how much fun is being created on the dance floor and they can no longer resist joining in the fun. One by one they all get up to join this happy go lucky guy.

This for me, sums up a good example of leadership.  This guy did not beg people to dance with him. He simply showed them how much fun he was having.  He made it so tempting and irresistible!

Evidently, he made a decision before joining this group, that he was going to have fun when he got there, no matter what.  Therefore, when he got up to dance alone this is the vision that he’s upholding in his mind. He believed in his vision so much that he didn’t care whether people thought he was a good dancer or not. In the end when the crowd noticed how sure of himself he was, they had no choice but to join him. His belief in himself is what made them become his followers and he in turn became a leader.

Hello somebody?  Hold on to that vision. This is for you!

My truth about Blogging.

I started blogging in January this year. The focus for my Blog is to keep me creating and reflecting on what l am learning.

However, I have come across other bloggers and noticed how much success they’ve achieved.  I wondered if the same could happen for me? l started to work harder and putting more effort into writing, that’s when l noticed how difficult, it is to make a mark through blogging. I became curious about what it would take to produce the perfect article that will catapult me to success!

 I searched for answers and discovered a fantastic illustration which helped reshape my thinking…..

An art teacher divided the class in two groups, (A & B) of students. She instructed group A to create a large amount of art, she informed them that they would be solely graded on the quantity of art they produce. Whatever quality was fine. Each one simply had to create as much art as time would allow.

The students in group B, on the other hand, were instructed to create the perfect piece of art. Each student would be graded solely on that one piece of art. At the end of the course all the art pieces were ordered based on their quality.

Interestingly all the best art pieces were made by the students in group A. That is the group instructed to create as much art as possible. Because their goal was quantity, they had a lot of experience with the process itself. They really learned how to work the materials and the tools. They had practised turning their ideas into reality. At first poorly, then better and better more and more aligned to their own vision. Due to their experimentation they had become more skilled by the day.

While group A was busy creating, group B the ones instructed to create the perfect art piece were busy planning and designing the idea thing. They were thinking a lot but not creating. A lot of them had become paralysed by the task, afraid of producing anything less than perfect.

This made me realise that through quantity l too can create quality!

Is Zimbabwe about to give birth?

Although, l have been living outside Zimbabwe for almost 20years and settled in the diaspora. I have maintained a deep connection to Zimbabwe.  I believe that sometimes you can never know where you are going until you understand where you are coming from.

Personally, as a Zimbabwean in the diaspora l have remained interested in the current affairs of Zimbabwe and will stop at nothing to devour any media news as long as they’re reporting news on Zimbabwe.

 I listen to Zim-dance hall with pride. My children absolutely adore this type of music. My 12 yearold son run’s on the treadmill listening to killer T. My daughter thinks the world of Ninja- Lipsy and idolises her!

 Sometimes being away from home exposes you to being treated as if you don’t belong and   will always be required to prove that you deserve to be here.  The media is full of news slandering immigrants.

Whilst the British government is actively recruiting more professional foreign workers to come and join their indignant workforce. When these foreigners accept the job offers, much like me, they will initially think that they are welcome, just like l did. Before realising that they are never seen as individual human beings or professionals but rather perceived as opportunistic leeches draining the British economy. I have to say though not all British people agree with how foreign people are perceived in their country.

 Maintaining a connection with home is comforting because it reminds me of a time when I was accepted for who I am. When l knew that I was black but never noticed it.

 A favourite author of mine Chimamanda, migrated from Nigeria to America and noticed how black people are pigeonholed with a negative connotation. She initially decided to separate herself by arguing that she didn’t see herself as black but rather as an African. Eventually she realised that it really didn’t matter what your origins were.  The perpetrators of discrimination concluded that if you were black, you are an unwelcome foreigner regardless of what you have to offer.

Despite all this, existing in the diaspora has availed a set of privileges   I wouldn’t otherwise have experienced in Zimbabwe and for that lam grateful will always be.

So, my fellow Zimbabweans back home there is no us and them. We are all really, still Zimbabweans where-ever we are on the world map. Each time we hear of another stay away we feel anxious even though we know that it needs to be done. What kind of a government silences it’s people by killing them?

We have kept a close eye and we too are just as fed up with the inconsistencies in policy making. We all agree that the Zimbabwean government has abdicated it’s duties for too long, they have failed the people of Zimbabwe. Today my thoughts are with you as you launch yet another peaceful and non- violent shut down. It feels like Zimbabwe has been pregnant for a long time  and has begun to experience intense contractions, vanhu havachada and havachatya  l pray and hope that we give birth to a healthy bouncing baby!

Things aren’t always how they seem!

Mr B was a prosperous business mogul. He owned several factories in different cities around the country. He was a kind and generous man, he believed in taking good care of the factory workers more than the management because he believed that a pyramid can-not be sustained without a grounded bottom or foundation.

With this in mind, he used to throw lavish pool parties for his employees, where they would be gifted with free food and all kinds of precious gifts.

One day, whilst hosting one of his regular parties, he decided to surprise his guests by issuing a somewhat strange proposition to them. He informed them that, in the pool were two enormous alligators.  He declared that, if anyone was brave enough to swim the full length of the pool and come out the other end alive, he will reward them with an opportunity of naming their own prize! Although everybody was aware of how wealthy Mr B was, no one was amiss to the danger at stake!

However, before he even finished talking, there was a loud splash into the pool! Mr B watched speechlessly, as a young man swam very fast across the pool, seemingly without even stopping to breathe! He quickly jumped out of the pool and walked across to Mr B with a look of determination on his face.

Mr B approached him, he couldn’t wait to meet this brave young man and wanted to know his motivation for risking his life like that. He remarked, “well done young man, name your prize?” The young man looked at him square in the face and spoke with a voice full of anger, “all l want is to find out who pushed me in!”

You are your own worst critic.

I came across a dove experiment on you tube. The sole purpose for this experiment was to investigate self- image perception.

During the experiment different women were asked to describe themselves to an FBI trained forensic artist.   The artist then drew the portraits of the different women participating, based on how they described themselves.

 The women described themselves in the worst possible way, one woman described her chin as protruding and stated how her mum had told her that she has a big jaw. The other woman thought that she had a chubby round face. One woman thought she had terrible freckles and another thought she had a big forehead.

 The catch was that these same women were made to interact with strangers.  The strangers then also submitted a description of the same women to the FBI artist. He drew two portraits for each of the women, one based on their own description and another on the stranger’s perception.

What was fascinating to discover was that, the portraits created from the stranger’s description were beautiful and focussed on beautiful features that the women were not even aware of.

 The portraits which had been drawn from the women’s own description of themselves appeared very unappealing.

Comparing the two portraits was interesting. The women experienced strong emotions when they saw the two portraits hung side by side. In that moment they realised that they had a distorted self-perception that had affected parts of their lives in significant ways. They were discovering that they are actually more beautiful than they thought!

The problem  was that they were bombarded by unattainable standards of beauty seen on social media, tv, magazines etc. How they perceived themselves was far less positive than how it should have been. Regardless, the strangers could still see and appreciate their beauty.

You too are beautiful, no-matter how you see yourself and no-matter what they have said about your appearance.

Is it time to resort to violence (war) to remove all the bad African politicians?

No l do not think that any violence will lead to a positive outcome no matter how frustrated we are. In fact, l believe violence is never the answer, people always end up sitting down to discuss the problem, so why waste time! Which is why l have suggested a better alternative at the end of this article.

Child soldiers in Africa.

When l received a screen capture about a story regarding how bald men are being murdered in Mozambique for their heads containing gold? I couldn’t believe how ridiculous and deranged that was! Although my husband and l joked about how he will have to wear a wig when we visited, to stop him being attacked. We were greatly troubled by this story!

 Then when l heard about young children in Ghana being accused of witchcraft, murdered and blamed for poverty in Africa. I was heartbroken and crushed not only because l am a mother and l couldn’t imagine my children being subjected to such inhumane behaviour. But also, because like everyone else l recognise that children are the future generation of any nation!

The albino’s in Tanzania being murdered and mutilated for their body parts to be used as charms which turn people into an overnight rich god or goddess! The stories get more and more horrific by the day. Underage girls in Malawi being initiated into sex with a so called “hyena” without giving their consent. Which leads to a spread of HIV infections.

How about we all let each other live because it’s not up to us to take away other people’s right to exist! Especially if we are doing it for our own personal gain. How about we banish all this rubbish and adopt a new way of doing life.

What if we all focused on educating and empowering ourselves?

 I get it, a lot of wrongs have been committed in Africa in the past.  Yes, it contributed greatly to our current state of affairs.  And it is not my intention to add to propaganda on Africa because l know how much potential is in Africa!  But there is a big stinky elephant in the room that everyone is completely ignoring! Admitting there is problem is the first stage of solving a problem.

When do we stop being victims and take ownership and leadership of where we are in life?

Yes, the government is responsible for legislation building infrastructure etc.  But the question that arises is what is my or your responsibility as a citizen? The governments in Africa have been leading for a long time and they have failed at it dismally. Could the answer lie in us realising that we can be leaders of our lives and that we can be responsible of creating our jobs and subsequently our own wealth.  

If the government’s role is to create jobs and do everything for us, then what are we here on earth for?

I believe as citizens there is something we can all do, to contribute to the wealth of our nations instead of going on about how the government are not providing jobs for us. Let us start creating jobs with what we have.

Nothing good ever happens in my life!

  Have you ever thought this?  Apparently there is something that can be done about it!

Changing your perspective changes the results you are getting in life!

A middle-aged man went to consult his therapist because he was so miserable and felt that his life had become a series of bad events.

 The therapist started by saying, “let’s do a little test before we proceed.” He got his writing pad out and drew a line in the middle dividing an assets and liabilities column.

Then he announced, “for the purpose of the test, on the assets side, we will think about all the things that are right in your life.  We will list them here. After that, we will look at your challenges and we will look at all the things that have gone wrong in your life….”

The man started laughing, “ l’m not  going to have anything on the assets side, he mumbled.”

The therapist responded, “that’s fine let’s just go through with the  exercise to help you overcome your challenges.” The therapist started by offering condolences and declared, “ first of all l just want to say, l’m so sorry to hear about your wife passing away.” The man was shocked and uttered, “what are you talking about?, my wife didn’t pass away, she is alive and healthy!”

 The therapist muttered, “oh has a healthy wife, alive and wrote it down.” Then he announced, “before we go any further, you must be devastated about your house burning down and you have been left with nothing!” The  middle aged man replied, “my house didn’t burn down, l have a beautiful house.”  The therapist commented,  “ he has a beautiful house, noted  it on the list.”

 Then he conveyed,  “one last thing before we get  started, “l’m very sorry to hear about how you got laid off your job and now you have no income, how are you going to make it?”  The man shouted, “where are you getting this information from, l didn’t lose my job, l have a good job he insisted.” The therapist also noted  down that he has a good job.

 Suddenly the man caught on and he demanded, “give me that list!” He wrote down loads of other things that he was grateful for in his life. He walked out of the therapist’s office with a whole new attitude and outlook on life!

When we make a deliberate effort to  talk about the good in our lives, we  defeat wrong thoughts. Yes wrong thoughts are defeated with words not with other thoughts. Words create the circumstances of our lives!