I think the worst experience in life is to feel sad and deny that you are sad. At the worst point of my life, faced with a personal challenge l became very fearful and subsequently became very sad.

My feelings of sadness were based on fear about how l would navigate the future in view of the looming crisis in my life.

My preconceived idea was that fear is evil and should never be entertained.

What if l had known that fear is a real thing, that is seeking clarity in my life. Some people argue that fear is a real person that should be spoken to. What if l had looked fear in the face and asked why it was there and what answers it needed from me?

Fear would have turned around and informed me that it needed more answers.  It would have told me that it needed me to get more emotional support and needed me to find someone who knows more about the issue than l did at the time.  Fear would have told me that it needed more clarity.

Then what if l had known that gaining clarity would lead me to taking the required action that would free me of this fear and replace sadness with feeling untroubled about the future.

Sometimes the way we deal with sadness is based on repeated thoughts and repeated belief system and the core to shifting the belief system is to address the belief system itself (Lisa Nichols). In my sadness Island, l thought about how unlucky l was, and how no one could help me or understand the enormity of my situation.

I resolved to address the limiting core belief system initially, before rectifying the circumstances in my life.

I changed it by adopting a belief that l could conquer the challenge with more information which would enable me to learn how to manage the condition.  I began to understand that every problem is an opportunity to grow and every situation is seasonal in life just like we have day and night. l started believing that having a positive reaction to whatever was happening in my life would always lead me to a better outcome.

Addressing matters that affect mental state is a way of maintaining a healthy state of mind which is needed to pursue your purpose on this earth! The side effect is feeling happy and satisfied about your life.

Once upon a time there was a boastful Hare who insisted that he was the most intelligent of all the animals in the jungle.

Even though lion was the presiding King of the jungle, Hare was known for his cunning mannerism. He had mastered proficiency in practising feigned charm so much that he managed to win over and marry the most beautiful lady Hare in the land.

 Secretly everybody wondered how long it would take his wife to discover his deceitful ways. They were curious to know how he was getting on with his new wife.

 When Gazelle and Impala met Hare in the forest, they were quick to congratulate him for getting married. “How is married life?”  They asked.

“Fantastic!” He answered. “My lovely wife, who is very lucky to have me, is convinced that l could replace the King and take charge of all the animals in this forest.”  “l am the wisest.”  “l retain that she is correct and l agree with her!” Gazelle and Impala couldn’t hide their disdain, for obvious reasons they completely disagreed with hare. Lion is the most powerful and mighty of all of us, he is the king of the jungle they argued.

This provoked the hare and immediately he crafted an idea to contradict them. The hare confounded that, in the afternoon when they converged at the water hole, he will have a surprise ready waiting for them!

With a walk of determination, Hare went up to lion and avowed, “my lord, l possess great respect for you and I would like to honour you for being the king of the jungle.”

 Lion was very suspicious he wanted to find out what plan the shrewd Hare, had up his sleeve? The lion responded with a misgiving voice, “and how would you like to do that he asked?”   Hare yielded in front of the lion, my lord after observing you, I am bothered that all these flies are incessantly ruffling your feathers, stinging you carelessly and l feel that l can help you with that my lord.”

Instantaneously the lion’s interest was piqued! Coincidentally he was at his wits end, infuriated by the flies. Frustrated that he couldn’t reach his back were the flies would land and sting him! He was gagging to hear how the hare proposed to help.

Hare sounding sincere and polite, spoke respectively,” with your permission my king, l would like to climb on your back, and utilize a stick to disperse all the flies away.”  He looked at the lion with pleading eyes full of expectation.

The Lion couldn’t believe his luck, how he had never thought of this fantastic way of getting rid of the annoying pests. He was excited, of course that’s very kind! He quickly asked Hare to climb onto his back as he couldn’t wait for the relief of being free of those little annoying pesky flies!

Swiftly the hare jumped up, he was feeling elated and triumphant.  Ostentatiously sat on the lion with his titchy stick. Crack! he flogged the lion to scatter the flies, so the lion thought.

As they approached the waterhole, the animals there were flabbergasted! Gazelle and impala had alerted all the animals of the preposterous claim made by hare. They watched in shock as the lion drew nearer, a hare riding on the back of the most intimidating animal of them all.   They noticed that, Hare was cracking a whip, he was perfectly controlling the king of the jungle, they were gobsmacked!

 All animal stood still looking at the deviant sight! As they reached closer still, the hare, decided to blow his own trumpet. He flogged the lion vigorously and bellowed a command for lion to hasten his speed!

Lion couldn’t believe his ears, at all the animals were gawking at him. Quickly he worked out what was going on. He had been tricked. Enraged he roared loudly, jumped high to shake off the hare! The hare briskly jumped off the back of the lion and like a whirlwind skipped and hopped like crazy far away from the lion and went to hide in the bush. The lion looked hi and lo for the hare to no avail. The rest of the animals laughed and applauded the hare for fooling the most intimidating animal of them all, the king of the jungle.

It was a typical African funeral in every way. I can vividly remember all the people who sat around inside and outside the compound of my grandfather’s village home. My grandfather had unfortunately been hit by on coming bus while waiting at a bus stop. He had sustained fatal injuries and died in hospital a few days later.

 There is always a strong sense of sadness at a funeral but when you are a child, it is slightly fascinating to observe all the activity taking place. Firstly, a group of self-appointed aides would emerge. Then it seemed that a sequence of events would develop into a specified order.

 The wailing relatives would arrive and throw themselves onto the floor and roll onto the ground as they expressed their grief. The helpers would immediately swing into action, approach them to support their head or undo the child tied onto the back of the women and take their bags to a safe place.The assistants would console them whilst helping them to get up and walk them to their seats. They would sit down, inquire after everyone’s health by way of clapping. Offer their condolence and then delve into asking how the deceased had passed on, this would often take a very long time and sometimes would include discussing the deceased last words or wishes.  Often a plate of food would be offered, as they would have travelled a long way.  

Suddenly the strange man arrived, and when he did everyone stopped to look. Although there was a lot of loud lamentations and wailing going on at the funeral, it certainly was not coming from the men. African men didn’t cry loudly unless of course they were drunk. This individual, did not appear drunk but boy he knew how to scream! He was so loud, completely grief stricken, his face was so wet there were tears, snot and saliva, it was ghastly! He was chanting so loudly and weeping, as expected he threw himself on the ground outside the house and spectacularly rolled around on the ground.  None of us could make out what he was saying but we all agreed on assuming that he was granddad’s close ally.

 The weird thing about this man was that no one knew him, which is unusual as African families are usually close knit and would be familiar with every family member. Everyone was convinced after watching him that he was a close acquaintance to my deceased grandfather, his performance was impressive it was on a completely different level.

The helpers quickly moved into action they unstrapped his bags helped him up and awarded him a place near the dignitaries of the family, he had earned his place there. We all felt like saluting him, as he walked over to his allocated place.

When he sat down, everyone was puzzled he didn’t seem to be saying much, he could have been starving, he appeared very unkempt. He was offered food, gobbled it up and consumed a drink soon after. After that he asked for a tooth pick.

Whilst he was picking his teeth he decided to start talking, he asked about who had died at this specific funeral? We were all bewildered by this question but closely we observed him as we couldn’t wait to find out who he was. We carried on listening. He went onto to ask how my grandfather had died, at which point it was explained to him, that he had been hit by a bus while he stood at the bus stop.

Unbelievably he responded by laughing sarcastically and scornfully querying why my grandfather had not seen the bus coming? I held my breath!

Everyone was incensed and in shock, not only was he a disrespectful stranger, but he had done the unthinkable! He dared to speak ill of the deceased! Swiftly the atmosphere changed, and became thick with tension. You could almost cut the air with a knife! We sensed it, he did too. Before things got ugly, he quickly picked his bags up and made a run for it, headed onto the next funeral.

Cynthia was completely fed up with her husband’s wondering eyes and his obsession with the opposite sex. As she met up with her friend Grace for a walk, they started discussing how her husband’s behaviour was upsetting her.  Grace, who was an older woman, was not only able to relate with Cynthia’s current situation but proclaimed that she had banished her husband’s promiscuous behaviour for good!

Cynthia was in awe and wondered how her friend had achieved this? Grace informed her about how she had given her husband a break from the marriage vow for a week, which allowed him to pursue single ladies or create any of his fantasies only for that week! She deciphered that not being able to do certain things in particular can make then more appealing, so she resolved to fix her husband’s unpleasant habits by making those things available for him.

 Apparently, Grace’s husband had gone and done what he couldn’t do before and after that, he didn’t find it appealing anymore.  He returned to his wife and devoted all his care and attention to her because straying had lost its novelty.

As soon as Cynthia got home, she immediately issued a marriage break for a week to her thrilled husband! She argued that as he was the only one tempted to commit adultery, she wouldn’t be involved. She would stay at home and wait for him whilst he attempted to resolve this bothersome matter.

So, the elated husband went off, checked into a hotel and started seeking ladies to bring back to the hotel for a good time. He searched high and low to no avail, he realised it was tough. He had after all been out of the dating game for a while now. Only on the 7^th day he struck gold and a lady, who mistook him for somebody else, knocked on his hotel room and threw herself on him!

Meanwhile his wife decided to go out and socialise with one of her other young friends. They ended up being invited to a party and at that party, she met a very handsome young man who was so attracted to her and wanted to take things further. Although she initially resisted this unexpected temptation, she did a complete retraction and agreed.  Her husband had after all been released from the vow which meant that she was also free for that week. Unfortunately for her husband, she changed her mind and agreed to indulge so she spent the night with this attractive young man.

After spending a night with this rebellious man, she was filled with regret and shame for desecrating her marriage vow. She realised that she loved her husband   despite all the challenges, she felt abominable revulsion for committing adultery. She drove home filled with remorse and sadness with tears rolling down her eyes and obstructing her vision. Then she collided with an oncoming car and crushed!

Meanwhile the husband was wildly kissing the wayward woman who had thrown herself at him. Fortunately, just as they started to disrobe the husband received a phone call. His wife had been involved in an accident, he had to rush to the hospital.

He discovered that his wife sustained minor injuries and upon seeing her he was overwhelmed with guilty for accepting the break from the vow.  In that moment he realised that he loved his wife whole heartedly and could not contemplate losing her. He felt even more reprehensible, he couldn’t bear to think how agonising it must have been for her to imagine him and another woman. He was deplorable, how could he let that wanton lady into his room and kiss her like that?

He knelt, cried and pleaded with his wife to forgive him. Knowing what she had done, feeling conscience- stricken, she insisted that he should get up as she had something to say. But he was too overwhelmed with shame and flatly refused to let her to speak. He declared that if his wife agrees to forgive him for accepting a break from the vow then they will both forget everything and never ever talk about it for the rest of their life.

Last Sunday l listened to a sermon by Bishop Scanlon with the above title.

Did you know that around 49 people are murdered everyday in South Africa! The list of crimes is endless, rape, car hijackings, taxi violence, cash in transit heists, cash point robberies, farm attacks, kidnappings etc.

After observing this and assisting in creating rescue attempts which appeared futile, Desmond Tutu had this to say:-  You can only rescue so many  drowning people from the river before you have to go upstream to see who is pushing them in!

South Africa suffered Apartheid which was a system of institutionalised racial segregation that existed in South Africa from 1948 until the early 1990’s.

At the end of the apartheid white South Africans who made up 10% of the South African population owned roughly 90% of South African Land as a result of a series of Land Acts. More than 3.5million black South Africans were forced to live on arbitrary reservations called Bantu stands depriving them of political power and pushing them into poverty.

To this day South Africa has one of the highest gini coefficients (a measure of inequality) in the world. Research shows that inequality and crime go hand in hand and this is the problem that needs to be resolved in South Africa.

As l listened to all of this from Bishop Paul Scanlon l wondered what this has to do with me or you?

Turns out that we too have ideologies, mentalities and beliefs that maybe be drowning us. Instead of adopting the rescue mentality we need to stop and address the source of our problems.

Are we relying a little too much on these so called man of Gold who solely rely on supernatural encounters / miracles with God whilst completely ignoring education and empowerment which leads to personal development?

Perhaps we are taking too much medication because we have ended up with obese related illnesses or we are stuck in a dead-end job because going to college to obtain new skills is too much of a bother?

Although it’s easier and much more gratifying to continue rescuing sooner or later we have to confront the source of the problems in our lives even if we do this reluctantly.  It will be the beginning of the desperately needed breakthrough to progress.

 What does leadership have to do with you and me?

Numerous articles regarding leadership have been written and I will merely reflect from a Christian perspective because l believe that all the success principles are bible based.

After having observed all the problems of human kind Jesus concluded that the solution is sorting the leadership problem, we were lacking a shepherd. He looked at the community and observed that they were being harassed and appeared helpless. Harassed refers to being driven and controlled by external forces. Helpless equates to being unable to change your circumstances.  I certainly felt harassed and helpless as l carried on working at my stressful job despite all the challenges because of the expenses l had. Jesus’s statement completely resonated with me.

I needed to understand the power and importance of leadership or taking responsibility for my life because nothing happens without leadership. Furthermore nothing, succeeds, changes, advances, develops, improves or gets corrected without leadership. Leadership is necessary for things to be achieved or corrected. If there is a problem a leader needs to emerge to solve the problem!

We are always being led by something or someone directly or indirectly, by the external forces that maybe controlling our lives such as media, politicians, friends etc. Our duty is to make the right choice and choose the right guidance which in my situation was making Jesus my shepherd.

 Having a strong sense of who you are and choosing influences that impact positively on your life is what leadership is about to me. When someone chooses to take leadership of their life success will eventually be realised.

However, to understand leadership deeply we need to explore what leadership isn’t from God’s perspective.  A true leader does not require but may attract followers. It is not necessary for a leader to have a title, the greatest leader to ever live was simply known as Jesus. Needing a title identifies lack of understanding about what a leader is. Leadership doesn’t distinguish you as a superior person neither does it give you a disposition of advantage or quality of greatness. It is not a manifestation of superior intellect.

Consequently, in business a great deal of successful people dropped out of college but they still became successful at business and went onto employ some of the most intelligent people on earth.

In other words Jesus ignored all the so called good qualities of a leader and practiced servant leadership which is accessible to us at any stage of our lives.  

Previously l wrote about how l changed my perspective on giving. What l didn’t mention at the time, was that  giving is only a part of an incomplete process.  Before l get into explaining what l mean let me start by illustrating.

I heard a story about a homeless man who had lived on the streets for 25 yrs. Living on the street had taken it’s toll on his life and he appeared to be in his eighties when he was only 43 years old. One day a limousine pulled up on the street and a stranger came out, inquired about the identity of the homeless man.  After that, the stranger gave him a brown envelope with his name printed on it. The stranger had introduced himself as the last remaining uncle and begged the homeless man to go home with him. The homeless man refused and said all his friends lived on the street and he liked it. After the uncle had left, the man looked at the clean looking envelope with his name nicely printed on it and got so excited. He told all his friends about the lovely envelop but never opened it until he died. He never got to find out that the envelop contained a will with a deed for ownership of multi million estate.  He died on the street clutching the envelop. When he was found after he had passed away, the estate was handed over to the government.

Giving is the most powerful true essence of human spirit but can only be completed when the gift is received.  Giving is impossible without receiving and giving is not fulfilled until receiving is complete (Dr Miles Munroe).  The man mentioned above accepted and acknowledged the gift but failed to receive it.

Could it be that we have given gifts that were never received before and now we have lost interest?

Jesus discussed the concept of receiving and how that can impact our giving. (In Matthew 7vs6) The bible summarised that giving is noble but we need to scrutinize who we are giving because someone may accept the gift, thank you for it but never receive it. Ultimately when we give and the gift is not appreciated, instead of giving up or becoming angry, we should choose who to give carefully. Our gifts should only be given to those who need and appreciate our gifts.

Seeking to understand any concept that stretches personal growth is a success principle.

A long time ago whilst l was growing up l nursed a dream to travel and live abroad. This was a big dream which was unaffordable at the time. Never the less l said yes to this dream and began planning and preparing. One of the things l did to prepare for this dream was choosing to work as travel consultant. This enabled me to obtain information about travelling legally and the type of visas l could apply for. Thereafter an opportunity to travel was presented in the form of a free ticket to travel abroad through a work incentive and the rest is history. My colleagues at the time who also received free tickets through the same incentive managed to sell (miss) their (opportunity) tickets and spent the money!

One of life’s misconceptions is that hard work leads to success. This is a myth which is quickly dispelled as soon as you become intentional about studying successful people.   I have encountered individuals who worked very hard all their life but had nothing to show for it when they retired.  Furthermore, I have observed individuals and noted with frustration that less gifted individuals can go twice as far with achieving greatness than the more gifted individuals.  Most people conclude and attribute this to luck but for obvious reasons l am not convinced by this conclusion.  Therefore, this leads to the question that if not hard work, luck or talent then what leads to success?

Success is realised when preparation meets opportunity.   Pastor Wayne Chaney argued that God rarely drags you into greatness but rather presents passing opportunities that must be discerned for what they are. Certainly, when l set about registering myself to volunteer in church although driven by the need to give more to God, l had seized an opportunity to grow.

 It is not always talent, intellect, pedigree or education that leads to greatness. Ultimately it is the ability to recognise opportunities that can take you from where you are to where you need to be (Pastor Chaney). Successful people are able to discern and seize opportunities immediately because these windows of opportunities are usually time sensitive and will be closed if you decide to seize them later.

 If you can spot these opportunities your life will be changed. Successful individuals are distinguished from the crowd by their ability to sniff out opportunity!

I usually come across forwarded messages on what’s app from my lists of contacts, some of these messages are a complete waste of time and some are worth taking note of. This time l received a message stating that in order to accumulate wealth in your life you needed to give first. Normally l would disregard this type of message as utter nonsense!  But this message reminded me to do something that l have been putting off for a while. On Sunday after church l walked up to the volunteering team and presented myself as available to work in church.

 I did this because my understanding about giving has totally changed. It never makes sense to give money when you haven’t got enough to feed yourself and your family l get that. This is why l did not give before. My moment of understanding was when l stopped thinking that money was the only resource l could give. I became moldable in that moment when l asked what l could give instead of declining to give money, which l didn’t have in the first place.

Progress is about challenging old perspective and relearning new and old principles. Consequently, the moment l understood l made a decision to give instantly because l realised that giving isn’t always about money.  I believed that if time is money l could give my time.

Giving is a command from the Bible and Jesus asked us to give without explaining any further. That tells me that God expects us to give even if we think we are too poor to give.   Therefore, instead of thinking that l have nothing to give, l should ask myself what l could give if there is no money to give?  Success principles are bible based and they are paramount, such that some people do not acknowledge the bible as the source of these principles but still reap the benefits.

Successful people are especially good at asking the right questions in their life in order to gain clarity. Most successful people believe in giving and this is no surprise as they have excess wealth to spare! The surprising thing which l didn’t realise was that they started giving whilst they were still poor.

Giving  is a prerequisite to attaining abundance. It demonstrates your faith and sends a message to God and the universe that you believe in abundance and that you could be trusted with handling more wealth. If you can’t give now you will never be able to give when you have more wealth (John Maxwell.)

One of the most crucial endeavours l committed to, when searching for answers in my life was reading.  Reading allowed me to understand that my life was not a hopeless situation and that most successful people, started off feeling hopeless, poor and ignorant

I was able to reach that conclusion through relating to the stories that the authors were telling. Utilising storytelling, these individuals were able to make avail something which l thought was not available to me.  I became convinced after reading their stories that success was available to me!

 When l was young there was an issue that personally affected my spirituality or my closeness to Jesus or God. Growing up in Africa was the argument that Jesus was not a God of the African race. He was a God of the Caucasian race.

On the other hand, the Bible clearly articulated that God created all of us in his image. Which  in essence meant that Jesus looks like any one of us! However, all the pictures available all over the World and all the movies portrayed a white Jesus. I even grew up in the Anglican church in Zimbabwe (Church of England) where they had posters of a white Jesus in the church.

Furthermore, Christianity was brought to Africa by white missionaries and thereafter the white colonialists, who resembled the missionaries, proceeded to colonise Africa.  Colonisation and Slave trade outclasses any act of inhumanity ever to be imposed on the African continent.

 Even though it was reiterated to me, that I was created in God’s image it did not make sense. My perspective of who  Jesus/God is, was being shaped by the stories that were revolving in my atmosphere.

Today l listened to a man called William Paul Young, he wrote a book titled “The shack”. Although l did not read the book itself l managed to watch the movie that was created as a result of this book.

I am astounded by this man. He made my day! William explained that, although he was berated for portraying the image of Jesus as a black African American woman, a Brazilian woman and a Middle Eastern man in his book, he could not  be dissuaded. His aim was to “take God out of the box” that was being created by the previous story tellers. Frankly William has no idea how much of a positive impact this has made.

Although we know that God is bigger than the limitations placed on him. It can be difficult if a few individuals in one society are determined to portray God as unavailable to other races!

This is how powerful good story telling can be, it challenges stereotype and aims to set the record right.

Being successful in life begins with changing your perspective and your perspective shapes your beliefs and values. The action that you decide to take to improve your life depends on the perspective that you command.